Jean has discovered his love and talent for writing while incarcerated. He has experienced many traumas and has had the courage to face them, to stare them down. His spirituality offers great inspiration. The first step is the hardest.

"I would very much like to know how my work has helped anyone, and that they can write me to let me know in what ways my work has helpd them.

I would also like to be a counselor in the hopes that what I've been through in life I could turn around and save others from going through what I've been through.

I trust the person that is using my work to do it in good faith..."

Dear Miss Valentine:

You are a lovely waterfall
that pours out of the sky.
You are a crystal vision of perfection
to my clouded eye.

You are a priceless gem to all mankind.
You are the focus of my inner scope
without you I’ll go blind.

You are an encouragement to all humanity.
Me without you is like a clock without hands,
no use, no purpose, no sanity.

You can make a coward brave,
turn a king into a slave.
If it wasn’t for your caring words,
I would most likely be headed to my grave.

The gifts you shared with me are in my heart
all neat and well-kept.
One day it will be my turn to hold your hand
in case you miss a step.

In closing: Miss Valentine, with this little poem,
please hold it near your heart
until I come home.

Hard Hearts Made Soft

I watched as, for the last four to six weeks, the Canadian goosse made a nest then layed her eggs, then sat on them for days and nights through the rain the sleet and through the snow. We watched all this and also saw the cats sit and watch also. Some of us said that the cats were waiting until the little chicks were born so that they would eat them.

But day in and day out we all watched as we went to chow and came back.

As the days of spring came, we got up one day and everyone saw that the little chicks were hatched. We were all oohs and aahs. Yes, about a hundred inmates -- some accused of murder, assault and other crimes, men you would not want to meet in any dark alley, men that would smile at you and play cards at one moment and cut your face the next -- yes, these same men were all reduced to mensch, mawkish human beings, as the little chicks followed their mamma around in single file.

If you ask me how to turn a hardened criminal into a sentimental person, show him the maternal instincts, show him the way of the geese.

A Sign in the Moon

On Sunday while in my dorm. 10:30 at night.

I was looking out of the window at the planes landing when I looked up at the moon.
To my amazement, I saw the sign of the Cross in the moon. I then when to another window and looked, and yes, there it was again.
There were two others in the day room, I called them over. I asked them to look at the moon and to tell me what they saw. They said they saw the Cross in the moon also. I then went and got two others and asked them the same thing; they saw it also.
Before the night was over, every one on the dorm, including the C.O., saw the moon and the Cross.
To God be the Glory

^^^^^^^^^
What this means to me
If you ask me what the cross in the moon means, or what significance it has on my life, I will tell you this:

I will try to keep it simple:

When I came to this jail, I was broken. I was in despair, my mind, body and spirit were going in three different directions.

I could not think right. I could not sleep and I was having very bad dreams. I tried to pray but even prayer was a torment. Depression, anxiety ruled my Soul.

I tried to go to the church but I had the wrong ID and was turned away.

I had gotten a Bible and read Psalm 51 over and over again, but still no peace.

Then one day , one day I went up to see a therapist and began to open up about my problems.

As the therapist helped me to talk about my addiction and depression I began to feel better.

One night after talking to my therapist I broke down and cried like a baby about my abuse. After leaving the office I went into the church service and once again, as I sat in the back row, someone sang a song that said "I’m free, I’m no longer bound, my soul is rested and that’s a blessing. Praise the Lord, I’m free."

As the tears came down I asked God to show me a sign that he has forgiven me and that he has accepted my prayer of repentance.

There is much more I could say about this but on that night I saw that sign and I knew that God had answered my prayer.

All True Joy is Birth Through Sorrow

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

When a woman is with child, and is ready to give birth, she is in much pain. The doctor says push and she yells she screams she cries.

But when that child is born, she forgets her pain and rejoices, for a child is born onto the earth.

So it is with man though these sorrows are many yet through the pain and sufferings he learns how to endure. He learns how to persevere. He learns how to overcome.

Then his joy comes.

He works hard and produces a crop or a wage or something else of value.

As I go through the pain and suffering of incarceration, I’m learning how to be penitent.

Sometimes I yell, I scream, I cry, but I know that one day I will have joy as I go through my anxiety and depression, hurt, heartache, broken relationships, guilt and shame.

I know that one day this thing too shall pass, for in my weakness I find strength. For in my sorrow I birth forth Joy.


Awake into Chaos

I had no idea what had awakend me, but I felt a sudden unexpected wariness in my spirit. As I got my bearings, my prison intuition took over: yes, there it was. Silence. That was it. There was an unnerving quietness.

This could only mean that something was about to go down in this vacuum of unheard of violence. When individuals come together in groups the inhibitions fall away and the cruel brutal destructive primitive instincts are stirred up, and the overwhelming impulse to fight takes over.

It started in the day room over the TV. They argued and were about to lock horns in there, but it was broken up by some others.

The one that wanted to fight was the one that had snuffed one other brother over a game of dominoes. I had played chess with him in the past and every time he lost, he wanted to argue and fight. I stopped playing with him.

We gave him nickname Arguing Ark, or Controversy Ark, because no matter what game he played, there's always going to be an argument.

If you tried to influence him with kindness, he would regard it as a sign of weakness and try to intimidate you more, for coffee or soup or sugar. He only respects force, strength and fear. This would be the third fight this week.

As the dorm began to come back to normal, he came out of the day room, walked to his bed, sat on it for a while, then got up and walked right over to the brother and began to hit him all in the face and head.

I don't know which punch broke the brother's jaw or which punch knocked his tooth out, but when the fellow went to the bathroom he spit up a mouthful of blood.

Jean Sanders
New York State

To God be the Glory
great things he has done.
He made the heavens and earth
He left nothing undone.
To God be the Glory,
Great things he has done.
He gave me life and strength
so I could be happy and have fun.
To God be the Glory
great things he has done
He gave me animals their blessing
and made great cats that can run
To God be the Glory
great things he has done
I’ll praise him forever
because his love I’ve won.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

If only someone would smile
then maybe the day would be nice
everyone is angry
and that’s not very nice.

If only someone would smile
I would be willing to pay the price
Everyone’s mad ,
that makes me sad.

If only someone would smile,
then life would be worth living.
My heart and mind and soul
would even be giving.

If only someone would smile.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Everyone has a conscience
If you want to reach someone,
you must reach
be on his rep
be on his pride
be on his profiles
even be on his negativity.
You must reach his heart,
that is where his conscience is.
That is where you can do the best work.
That is where you can save his life.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Which way will I take?
The answer is not clear.
The question is simple
but my mind is not sincere.
My hear is uncertain,
into it I will peer.
I wish I had someone to talk to.
If someone would lend an ear,
then the road would be easy,
and walking down it I won’t fear.
Maybe someday I’ll have the answer,
then my life pain I can bear.

Life is filled with trouble
This is so unfair
I wish I had something to live for
something for my heart to share
maybe I could live for someone
maybe this I would even dare
someone to talk to
someone who could hear

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Don’t be a puppet on a string
Don’t’ let others pull your string
Don’t lead by others that don’t know where they’re going themselves
Don’t let others tell you this is what you should do
Don’t le the world foul you
and most of all
don’t let other rule you

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

One night while in my cell
the time when I was between deep sleep
the fear came upon me
a fear that made me tremble
all my bones did shake.
I was afraid to open my eyes
because an evil spirit was hovering over me.
I felt its presence and I called for my mother
I mumbled for Moma as a child would do,
the spirit left me
and I remember Moma said
I’m praying for you.